Four Boys and a Rubber Duck Named Joe
by JediKnightBalthasar
Summary: Legolas, Eowyn, Galadriel, and Arwen are visiting Imladris--but two weeks of rain lock them all indoors, and with four teenage-equivolent boys, not to mention Estel's rubber duck, things could get odd...and perhaps a bit pervy...
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own Tolkien's characters or places, thus the term "Tolkien's". I'm simply borrowing them.  
  
*****  
  
Prince Legolas of Mirkwood shifted in his saddle. His eyes wandered up to the sky, where deep blue met his gaze. He smiled and breathed in deeply. For the past few weeks he had been riding nearly non-stop, so anxious was he to reach his destination. Now he was only a few minutes' ride from Rivendell, the valley of the Elves.  
  
It had been nearly a year since Legolas had last seen the three sons of Elrond who were some of his best friends. While that was hardly any time to a being of so many years, to the youngest of the boys it would seem an eternity. Legolas missed all of them dearly, whenever they were apart. A smile played on his lips as he came within view of the buildings. Moments later he was dismounting and handing off the ride, who had been good to keep up the prince's pace.  
  
"Legolas!" He hardly had time to react as a blur of flesh, black clothes, and black hair in desperate need of a wash barrelled into him, knocking him to the ground.  
  
"Oof," Legolas said, flat on his back and with a small pain in his stomach. "Hello, dork!" He greeted the young human jovially, shoving him off and standing. Resiliant as rubber himself, the boy was also on his feet. Legolas swept him into a hug. "You've grown since I last saw you!"  
  
"More than half a foot!" The boy exclaimed, proud that it had been noticed. "Where've you been all this time?"  
  
"Mirkwood, of course, my home. And it's hardly been any time, Impatient Youngster!" Legolas joked. Despite the large age difference, the two got along quite well. Legolas enjoyed the company of the boy, and the boy liked the way Legolas never seemed to lose patience with him.  
  
"Not all of us are in our thousands, Old Man!"  
  
"I am not old," Legolas proclaimed with mock indignance. "I'm simply older than you, and a million times stronger."  
  
"Are not!"  
  
"Am too."  
  
"Are not!"  
  
"Am too!"  
  
"Are not!"  
  
"Am too!"  
  
"ARE NOT!!"  
  
"AM TOO!!"  
  
"ARE NOT!!"  
  
"AM TOO!!"  
  
"ARE NOT ARE NOT ARE NOT!!!" With that the boy lunged, knocking Legolas to the ground. The Elf tried to throw him off and failed. The two wrestled for a while, both getting their hair and clothes dirty--or, in the boy's case, dirtier--and having a good laugh. Legolas managed to catch the boy in a headlock, but he threw off Legolas and tackled him.  
  
"Estel! Legolas!" The two looked up to see Elrond staring at them. Estel freed Legolas and stood, a guilty smile on his face. Once the human had released him Legolas rubbed his ribs, which were a bit sore from too many tackles, then stood. He blushed. Though Elrond was used to his twin boys rough-housing, but Legolas he had expected more of. And they knew well not to include Estel in their games! "I would have expected a bit more restrain on your part, Legolas." Legolas hung his head. "And Estel, you know you aren't to be playing rough with the boys."  
  
"But Ada," the boy began, "we were just--"  
  
"Estel, please." Noticing the boys' hygiene, he asked, "Were you not supposed to bathe today, Estel? It's been nearly three weeks!" At this the boy blushed a deep red.  
  
"I was just about to do that," he mumbled, heading inside. Legolas followed. "Sorry I got you in trouble."  
  
"Oh, it's fine. I don't mind. I can get in my own trouble quite all right, I don't mind sharing yours." Estel looked at him, astonished.  
  
"But--but--you looked so ashamed!"  
  
"Oh, that look. I made it up. It's a combination of puppy-dog eyes, a nervous smile, and a blush. I can blush easy, I just picture myself in leopard-spotted underwear. It makes the fans go crazy."  
  
"You have leopard-spotted underwear?"  
  
"No, but I know who does."  
  
"Who?" Estel stopped, looking up at the Elf. "Tell me, please, Legolas. Who?" The Elf grinned, looked around, then leaned down and whispered in the boy's ear. Estel's cheeks puffed out as he tried not to laugh. He tried so hard he turned blue. Finally he had to breathe. "Oh my Eru! By the Valar!" He doubled over, then fell to the ground laughing.  
  
"Stop picturing it!" Legolas commanded. "And go get washed, Dork. You stink."  
  
"Do--" **giggle** "--not!"  
  
*****  
  
"Isn't Legolas arriving soon, Elrohir?" asked Elladan, slinging his bow over his shoulder.  
  
"I don't know. Ada has been after Estel to bathe for near on a week, and it usually takes about that long to get Estel to do something about it, so probably." Elrohir snorted at his response, slinging his own bow over his shoulder. The two had been at the archery range al day, and didn't know yet that Legolas had indeed arrived. As the made their way back to Imladris, a thought struck Elrohir. "He wasn't arriving today, by any chance, was he? Estel's been managing a spectacular show of keeping out of washing this time, not fussing at all, just slipping off--"  
  
"Naked," Elladan put in, remembering all to well the ache their lungs had developed from laughing after catching the boy streaking through Imladris.  
  
"Yes, indeed, naked. Oh, no. What if Legolas shows up and Estel--what if Estel--?" He was laughing too hard to finish his sentence.  
  
"Oh what if!" Elladan agreed, screaming with laughter himself. The two managed to contain themselves, and soon reached the valley. After they had put their bows and quivers away properly, they headed to their rooms. "I'm as disgusting--hygenically--as Estel is!"  
  
"We really should give him a break."  
  
"Yeah." After a pause, Elladan added, "but wouldn't it be funny if he was streaking when Legolas showed up?"  
  
"You know Estel. He's so fond of the Elf, he'd probably go and hug him and completely forget!" Elrohir laughed as he stepped into his room. Seconds later he was on his back, pinned to the ground, staring up into wide gray eyes. A few seconds of pinning him and Legolas broke into hysterical fits of laughter. Elrohir was able to shove the blonde Elf, who keeled over, still shaking with laughter.  
  
"You should've seen your face, Elrohir! Honestly, your eyes were each the size of the moon! I thought they'd fly right out of their sockets! Oh, that was a jolly trick!"  
  
"Yes, yes," Elrohir agreed, brushing himself off. "And you're the jolly green giant!"  
  
"Have a laugh, it'll be good for you." Legolas grinned. "It's been far too long since I saw you last!" He threw his arms around the disgruntled, Elrohir, then strode across the room and hugged Elladan, who smiled.  
  
"Say, Legolas?" Elladan asked mischievously.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Have you seen much Estel?" He grinned, holding back chuckles. When his eyes met Elrohir's, but laughed out loud.  
  
"If so," Elrohir added, "how much?" They laughed more.  
  
"Why do I sense I'm on the outside? Yes, I've seen him, but just a bit. He knocked me down a few times before your Ada got angry and made him go take a bath," Legolas reported. The twins laughed again, then abruptly Elrohir stopped.  
  
"You don't think he would. . .?" Elrohir asked Elladan.  
  
"No, not with Legolas visiting. Right?" Elladan asked uncertainly.  
  
"Wrong!" they said together. The two took off running. "Stay here, Legolas," Elrohir called. "We'll be right back!" And they dashed down the halls until they found a closed door. They slammed their fists against it. "Estel, open up!"  
  
"Estel, open this door or I will skin you!"  
  
"Just hold on!" the two were incredibly relieved to hear their little brother's voice. The door swung open to reveal Estel with a pink towel wrapped around his dripped body, white soap in his hair, and a rubber duck jauntily hanging from his still oily head. "what?" The two didn't answer, they just laughed their heads off. Estel slammed the door and went back to washing up.  
  
"I hope you two will be more mature than that when Galadriel gets here," Elrond said. The twins swallowed hard, not having heard their Ada come up behind them.  
  
"Grandmother's coming to visit?" Elladan managed to asked. They both recalled the woman from her last visit, thirteen years ago, when she had left with Arwen. She hadn't been mean, just a bit scary. She was always looking at them and smiling, like she knew some big secret. Whenever they planned to cause trouble she had somehow managed to be there, smiling, just as they did the worst part of their trickery.  
  
"Arwen, too?" Arwen had two sides to her: the pretentious, stuck-up side that they feared would have become strong with Galadriel's influence, and the fun side, which disappeared around their grandmother in total horror. Though they missed their little sister and didn't honestly care what she was like, as she was family, both silently hoped she would have kept her mischievous side healthy.  
  
"Yes, Galadriel and your sister are coming to Imladris. I dread to think what you two will be up to with Legolas here, but remember that Estel has been sick recently and is **not** healthy enough to be rough-housing with you or streaking at midnight." As Elrond walked away, the twins groaned, then exchanged a glance.  
  
"It wasn't recent," Elrohir said, "and he's completely better."  
  
Elladan blinked twice. "Midnight?" 


	2. Bound, gagged, and kissed

Trintula: What, end it there? Oh, no, this is far too much fun! Well, my friend named a deity Bob, and I was watching this rerun of an old cartoon show and, long story short, I decided on Joe.  
  
Lou: Demanding person, aren't you? What can I say? I love to embarrass Estel! The boy's going to need some serious therapy when I'm through with him. Glad you liked it and thanks for reading!  
  
Leggy-stinks: I'd think Legolas smells nice, considering his hygenic obsession, but then again I don't usually smell people. Yes, let's all laugh at Estel. And I still haven't explained the midnight comment!  
  
Smeagol: You perv! He wasn't dreaming, it's just a way to get over being nervous. The design, well. . .I couldn't help it. But people seemed to like it. . .  
  
Dragonlet: What does LMAO stand for? Also, an interesting name for baby dragons, if you want to know, is "draclings". Just thought that was a fun word. If it's so nasty, don't picture it! I'm sure with no one to tell him to take a bath and no one to spray him with a hose if he refuses (I will be mentioning that later in the story) he would bathe every other month. HEY!! Stop having nasty thoughts!!  
  
Ayawen Evenstar: Thank you for the complement, and for reading.  
  
Artemisa: Thank you for the complement, and I'd continue either way, it's so fun to write!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Do you think I own it? Well, you're wrong. I do not. I own nothing. But I'll bet you the rights that I can make you laugh. . .  
  
*****  
  
"Elladan, can I come in?" Elrohir called, having been knocking on his brother's door fifteen minutes. "And I do not mean that literally. Remember that time when you were being literal about everything, so you said yes and I--"  
  
"Shut up!" Elladan screamed, blushing at the memory of his brother walking in at an. . .awkward moment, which shall remain unexplained for now. "And come in already!" He was in the process of buttoning his shirt, but figured that his brother wouldn't go away, anyway. Elrohir opened the door, and walked in.  
  
"I'm supposed to get you. Galadriel and Arwen are going to get here in about two minutes, we're supposed to greet them." He noticed Elladan's open top. "You do realize this is our grandmother, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," said Elladan. Then, "You sick little puppy!" Elladan threw a pillow at Elrohir. Elrohir caught the pillow and whacked at his brother's head with it. Elladan spit out feathers. The two were whack-happy by the time Legolas came to get them.  
  
"Lord Elrond is going to bite your heads off if you don't get down there **now**!" Legolas told them. "Hey, that looks fun." So he picked up a pillow and started hitting.  
  
*****  
  
"Where are those boys?" Elrond asked to no one in particular. "The simplest of tasks, just to walk down here, and three grown elves can't manage it!"  
  
"I'll go get them, Ada," Estel said, eager to please as he was in much trouble for tackling Legolas--and for not bathing--and for--"SHUT UP!" Estel roared at the author, who chose to ignore it. But Estel would pay dearly for that. . ."No, please, I didn't mean it!" Estel was near tears, hiding behind Elrond.  
  
"Oh, very well then," said I, with a pout. Then I snapped my fingers and disappeared. Estel breathed a sigh of relief and came out of his hiding place.  
  
"Would you please just go and get your brothers? And for the sake of the Valar, stop carry around that duck everywhere!" Elrond attempted to snatch the rubber duck away from the boy, but Estel dodged.  
  
"Joe get separation anxiety," Estel said in a baby voice, then he raced off to find his brothers.  
  
Elrond sighed. "At least he's wearing pants."  
  
*****  
  
Legolas, Elrohir, and Elladan were all giggling like schoolgirls, and choking on feathers, when Estel dashed into the room. "Hey! Stop! You've got to come down and--" he coughed on feathers. "You've got to greet Arwen and Galadriel! You've--"  
  
"Killjoy," Elrohir said, sticking out his tongue.  
  
"Let's get 'im," Elladan suggested. They did. Before he knew it, Estel was being bombarded with pillows. Three giggling Elves mercilessly attacked the defenseless human.  
  
"Wha---Ara! Stop that!" Estel said.  
  
"Aw, but Ada. . ." whined Ara--she's princess of Gondor, according to my stories, and she also inhabits my body and mind sometimes.  
  
"Ara, I swear by Eru, if you don't stop, you'll be in so much trouble when I grow up--"  
  
"Uh-oh. Sorry, Ada, but the author wants to get on with the story. I have to go now." And she disappeared. Estel moaned.  
  
*****  
  
"Come on, we're going to be late!" Legolas pulled Elrohir along. Elrohir pulled Elladan, who was buttoning his shirt. The three clambered down the stairs to find a very impatient Elrond waiting for them. Arwen and Galadriel stood staring at them. A small smile appeared on Galadriel's face.  
  
"Lady, I am so sorry about them--" Elrond began, his face red from embarrassment and anger.  
  
"It is quite all right, Lord Elrond," Galadriel replied in an airy voice. "Boys will be boys." She looked hard at Elladan. "You seem to have missed a button." Elladan turned red and saw that he had missed a button right in the middle of his shirt, so the only way to fix it would be to unbutton half the shirt.  
  
"Excuse me just one minute," Elladan said, disappearing. Elrond stared after him.  
  
"Let them have their fun, Elrond," Galadriel suggested, "for it shall be their way for many decades yet to come." Galadriel and Elrond disappeared inside.  
  
"Leggy!" Arwen shrieked, throwing her arms around him. "So good to see you again! Oh, Elrohir!" When she drew back, she was grinning. "Pranks are no fun in Lothlorien, for there is no one to share them, save Lady Galadriel-- who is actually pretty funny, when she wants to be, and understanding. But it's so much more fun around you, when Ada gets so angry his face turns purple and well, running giggling into the woods. Remember that time we spent a week out there?"  
  
"Yeah, and got in so much trouble when we came back!" Elrohir added. "Good to have you back, sis."  
  
"Good to be back, bro. Now, where's this human brother I'm told I have?" Arwen inquired.  
  
As Elrohir prepared to answer, there came a crash of wood from indoors, and a shriek. "Elladan!" Elrond yelled, and Elrohir and Legolas glanced at each other.  
  
"Run," Elrohir suggested.  
  
"Run fast," Legolas agreed. Arwen laughed as they took off deep south. Then she went upstairs to see what commotion they had caused.  
  
*****  
  
Elrond sighed. Estel was belly-down on the floor, hands and feet tied behind his back, gagged. Elladan stood frozen in the center of the room, his throat tight with held-back giggles. Estel was writhing, trying to get free. The wardrobe had been shattered, and it appeared Estel had fallen out of it--he had been stuffed inside the wardrobe.  
  
Elrond was about to explode when he heard laughter. He slowly turned, wondering what he would do to the boys if it was them. But it wasn't. Galadriel was laughing, an almost eerie sound. She smiled and laughed, as if this were the funniest thing in the world. Once she had stopped, she strode forward and untied Estel.  
  
"Thank you," Estel said, climbing to his feet and pulling off his gag. "Ada. I am so sorry about this. I just came up to tell them and there were three of them, they were bigger than me and they were armed--"  
  
"Armed? Your brothers and Legolas used weapons against you?"  
  
Estel blushed and looked down at his shoes. "They had pillows, Ada," he admitted.  
  
"Wuss," Elladan taunted.  
  
"Bitch!" Estel returned.  
  
"Estel! Elladan!" Elrond exclaimed. "Do you have any manners?"  
  
"Sorry, Ada, sorry, Galadriel" they mumbled together. Elladan muttered under his breath, "Estel's just PMSing." Estel did not hear it, nor did Elrond, but the smile on Galadriel's face let Elladan know that she had heard his comment.  
  
*****  
  
Elrohir and Legolas were still roughing it the next day. They had decided to live a few more years, or maybe forever, by hiding out while Elrond's temper cooled. Both felt bad about abandoning Elladan, but neither was willing to go back.  
  
Estel mostly stayed out of the way. He was embarrassed, especially around Galadriel. Not only was she in his head, the first time she ever saw him he was tied up on the floor. He was outdoors, reading a book and humming to himself, when he noticed someone walking. "Tinuviel, Tinuviel!" he cried, for he had been humming the ballad of Luthien Tinuviel, and this Elf was very beautiful.  
  
"Hello," said the Elf with giddiness in her voice. "You must be Estel. I am Arwen, daughter of Elrond, though I have been in Lothlorien many of these past years."  
  
"Oh," he was blushing. "I--I thought, because, because of the song--"  
  
"I understand. Don't feel so intimidated!" Estel blushed deeper and looked at his toes. Arwen shrugged. He was about the equivalent of her age, and, she noted, not at all unattractive. So, to salvage the boy's feelings, she lifted his face and kissed his lips.  
  
*****  
  
"Legolas, I'll go on ahead, and see if the coast is clear," Elrohir had said. And that was why Legolas had seen Arwen kiss Estel.  
  
Author's note: Worry not, it's only a bit romantic, because. . .  
  
*****  
  
"Oy, I nearly forgot," Elrond exclaimed.  
  
"What is it? Eowyn of Rohan is coming here?" Galadriel asked, knowing his thoughts. "For what purpose?"  
  
"I have forgotten, but she should be here--oh, no!"  
  
"Tomorrow? This will indeed be an interesting stay," Galadriel commented.  
  
"You knew about this?" Elrond asked.  
  
"The mirror," said Galadriel, "has shown me many things. Eowyn and Estel may have an interesting time getting to know each other."  
  
"I thought that since they were both human they might get along."  
  
"Oh," said Galadriel. "They will get along," yet her voice said that she knew something Elrond did not. 


	3. Welcome to Rivendell, Eowyn of Rohan an...

Disclaimer: I do not own it. I know better than to claim I do. Last time I claimed I owned Lord of the Rings, I was sued. So now I own negative stuff. Waaah!!  
  
And to my dear reviewers:  
  
Lou: I am so glad to have made some one happy. Eowyn has a small role in this chapter, but oh boy I have plans for a few later ones. . .  
  
Leggy Stinks: Then again, who would want to sniff an Elf? Ew. . .I most surely will not tell you what happens! You shall simply have to read and find out, of course! Why would I ruin the story? And exclamation points are fun, there is no such thing as too many.  
  
Faithful Beyond Fear: Well, I decided to skew the story a bit because I am having so much fun. Okay, I skewed it a lot. But it is funny! If making people laugh is a crime? Lock me up. Anyway, just pretend it is accurate.  
  
Trintula: Sharp, pointy objects, eh? Like, for example. . .a paper clip?? An origami sword?? Sorry to disappoint, but I think you make sense. Oh, is this soon enough or ought I craft an origami shield?  
  
Dragonlet: Thank you for the translations, I was so confused! So I skewed the ages. It's just meant to be humor, okay? Laugh a bit, people!  
  
Duck Sorceress: More is never a question. Updating is just so fun!  
  
Cleo-Chan: Well, I thought of her a very funny sort of lady. In the movie, she was a little frightening, but in this she is not quite so scary. Oh, and will keep writing. . .**makes mental note**  
  
Ewen: I pity the demons. Glad you like my story, thanks for reviewing!  
  
Smeagol: Ah, but the twins do not yet know. And I think of Galadriel as a funny sort of lady, as I stated earlier.  
  
Mirkwood Princess Melnoleiel: Well, Aragorn is about thirteen. I stated in the first chapter that Arwen had left eleven years before, and that was when Aragorn, age two, was brought to Rivendell. I already saw the Two Towers--I got to see it early! Ha ha ha ha ha!!  
  
Dream Catcher: Actually, yes, I am assigned to a seat near Matt in History and I usually sit near him in homeroom. You know, we have a little cluster of IHP kids--me, Lili, Jacob, Matt, Michael. I would never be mean to you, dear Maiden of Shields.  
  
Snake Eyez: Aragorn is Estel, don't you know, so he is already in it! And yeah, sure, I'll tell you when I update.  
  
Haloration: Um. . .okay.  
  
Oh, and this chapter is not exactly my best work, but. . .hopefully a few of you readers will smile.  
  
*****  
  
"Welcome to Rivendell, Eowyn of Rohan."  
  
The girl rolled her blue eyes. Show was of average height, but imposing and made the most of her thirteen and a half years, and pale complexion, with unruly blonde hair. Her sun-burned face had a look of sarcastic nonchalance. "Thank you, Lord Elrond. But you know I hardly chose to come. Theoden just wants me away from all the action."  
  
"I think he wants to keep you safe," Elrond corrected.  
  
"Yeah? And what's action? Danger. So it's really the same thing. But thanks for being polite and everything. Is Estel about here anywhere? All I heard was that there would be a kid my age called Estel, so I'd like to meet him." She spluttered all this out, hardly pausing at all. It was clear that Eowyn was a person of conviction and noteworthy intelligence.  
  
*****  
  
"Legolas!" Arwen exclaimed, catching sight of him as she pulled away from Estel. Legolas sidled up to her. "All right, listen. You saw me kissing Estel. But you cannot tell my brothers, or Galadriel, or my father."  
  
"That's no fun! Now I only get to tell Glorfindel!" Legolas whined. He immediately saw his mistake.  
  
"Tell no one," Arwen amended.  
  
"Aw, but Arwen--"  
  
"No one, got it?" She asked, waving her fist menacingly. Legolas gulped and nodded. Arwen continued in a sugar-sweet voice, "Then we have an arrangement! Ta-ta!" and with that, she flounced off, leaving two staring boys.  
  
*****  
  
"Estel, this is Eowyn, the Lady of Rohan," Elrond said cordially. The two shook hands. Estel noticed that with all her calluses and thundering steps, and pants instead of dresses, she hardly acted like a lady. He said so. "Estel!" exclaimed Elrond.  
  
"It's all right, Lord Elrond," Eowyn said with a smirk. "After all, Estel is more of a lady than I am." This left Estel flabbergasted, as well as Elrond.  
  
"That's hardly difficult," Estel said. Eowyn burst out laughing. "Oh shush up, you hooker." Eowyn stared angrily at him. "What are you going to do, slap me?"  
  
"No, Estel. A lady might slap you. But this is what a shield maiden does." With those words she drew back a fist and rammed it into Estel's stomach. He fell onto the floor, clutching his intestine. Eowyn smirked.  
  
****  
  
Despite their rough meeting, Eowyn attached herself to Estel, and that is hardly a surprise. If she did not spend time with him, Legolas, and the twins, she would have to spend the time either with Arwen, a true-blue LADY, or with Elrond and Galadriel. So, the decision was natural.  
  
"Eowyn, go away," Estel whined.  
  
"Why should I listen to you?" She asked.  
  
"You see, that's just it," Elladan said. "He knows you won't listen to what he says."  
  
"Estel and Eowyn, sittin' in a tree, k-I-s-s--I-n-g," Legolas sang sweetly.  
  
"You have such a nice voice!" Exclaimed Eowyn. In the same tone of compliment she said, "It would be such a shame if I ripped out your vocal chords!"  
  
"Eowyn, while we enjoy the pleasure of your company, we four are heading into the woods to do some very masculine things. Things girls can't do," Elrohir said. Eowyn giggled.  
  
"Actually, Elrohir, girls can do that, too!" Eowyn informed him, then walked off. She kicked pine cones as hard as she could, shattering them against trees. The boys glanced at each other, sickened. Only Estel was left confused by Eowyn's comment.  
  
*****  
  
Arwen was walking along singing when suddenly--WHAM! A pine cone hit her, hard, on the head. Now, we all know that a thing has as much velocity at the same point coming down as it did going up, even those of us who got a thirty-one per cent on the Physics final, and Eowyn packed a strong kick. So when this pine cone hit Arwen on the head, she suddenly thought some very odd things.  
  
"I love Estel so much! Why, I would give up my immortality for him!" she exclaimed.  
  
*****  
  
The boys were discussing Eowyn. "I can not believe that she wanted to do such a guy-like thing!" Estel exclaimed.  
  
"I know! Girls have no place at picnics!" Legolas said in concurrance, sitting down on their picnic blanket. The blanket was hot pink with pictures of horses on it. "Especially not with such masculine picnic blankets!"  
  
"Yes, wonderful embroidery, Elrohir."  
  
"Why thank you, Elladan."  
  
"Say, it looks like rain," said Estel.  
  
"It's going to rain. I can smell it," Legolas said. Estel sniffed.  
  
"I only smell skunk," said Estel.  
  
"Well, stop sniffing your armpit!"  
  
Before Estel could think of a good come-back, it started to rain. The boys shriek in high-pitched voices, then gathered up their things and ran back to Rivendell. They all fell into a heap on the floor. Legolas picked himself up. "Well, I'm going to go take a shower," he commented, wringing water from his hair.  
  
"But," Estel said, confused, "You've just had one."  
  
"Nasty little chicken," Elladan said, shoving Estel off his stomach and standing. "Well, that's some rain storm. It ought to be going on for a while." 


	4. Food is Fun! Vengence is, too!

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, except Joe. How sad is that?  
  
Leggy Stinks: Well, maybe he was too smart in the story. . .oh, well! He's hardly in this chapter at all, if that's any consolation.  
  
Haloration: What do you mean, didn't get anywhere? It's not gong anywhere, it's just funny! More anecdotes than anything. There is no adventure, just to warn you. Just random humor. . .then again, adventures can happen at home, can't they? 'Least it's funny. Gandalf? Hmm, maybe. I'll think about it.  
  
Trintula: Oh yeah? Well. . .well. . .your toothpick weapons are nothing to my ice cube shield!!! Mwuhahaha! Joe. . .sojourned in Mantua? I dunno, guess he slipped my mind. He has a brief mention in this chapter, though.  
  
Zurizip: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks!  
  
Lou: Thanks, Lou. Sorry this took so long.  
  
The Person Who Likes To Call Herself Lili: Hey, Lili, I was just thinking about that time in history. . .remember, when I said that Legolas died in the movie The Two Towers? Jasmine and I just could not stop laughing. . .you and Mr. Graham believed me, it was so funny. . .Oy! Stop picturing that! Perv, Lili. . .tofu steak forever.  
  
Callisto Firestarter: Thanks!  
  
Jessie Weasley: Well, maybe they're sooooo Elf-ly, but probably not manly. Lol. Thanks!  
  
Dream Catcher: Okay, Shield Maiden, no more sugar for you. Ever. Lol, just kidding.  
  
Ola: Thanks!  
  
Kelsiface: No, she was not referring to picnicking. Actually, there is something she was referring to, but you don't want to know. . .nuff said. lol thanks!  
  
Thanks everyone who reviewed! Sorry for the delay!  
  
  
  
*****For Lou, who reminded a certain author (me) to update*****  
  
Estel glared at Legolas. Legolas glared at Elladan. Elladan glared at Elrohir. Elrohir glared at Eowyn. Eowyn wait until no one was watching, except Elrohir who was glaring at her, then she used her spoon to fling a wad of potato at Estel. Estel's head shot up as he realized something had hit him. He naturally assumed that his brothers had thrown it, and recoiled by hurling applesauce at both of them. Neither had actually thrown anything, but both assumed (naturally) that Legolas had thrown food at them, and recoiled by tossing pumpkin innards in his general direction. Legolas, having seen everything, decided it was Estel's fault to begin with and "accidentally" splashed some soup into Estel's lap. Estel jumped up, grabbed his glass of milk, and overturned it into Legolas's hair. Elrond's face was bright red.  
  
Elladan turned to Elrohir. Elrohir turned to Elrohir. They were debating whether or not to join in and help their little brother survive the wrath of Legolas when Eowyn got bored and grabbed the first things she could find and threw them. With a SPLAT! Eowyn's peaches hit the twins dead-on and burst. They sat, shocked, and Eowyn realized how angry they were and began running. Elladan and Elrohir jumped up, grabbing the first things they could and throwing them at Eowyn. Both missed; Elrohir's pureed carrots landed on Arwen's forehead and the over-ripe tomato of Elladan hit Galadriel in the chest and burst. Elrond was turning purple.  
  
"We'll get you, Eowyn of Rohan!" Elladan shouted. Soon Elladan and Elrohir were wrestling with Eowyn, and she was putting up a good fight.  
  
"Stop this right now!" Shouted Lord Elrond, his face looking like an egg plant that was about to burst. The four boys stopped, and Eowyn of Rohan grinned once at the twins before ridding her face of emotion. Only one person was so audacious, so insolent, as to continue to laugh as Elrond turned purpler and purpler. "Who in all the Elvish realms--" when he realized, his tone changed immediately. "My Lady, please do not encourage them!" Elrond said.  
  
"Oh, Elrond," Galadriel said, laughing, "that was fun! I have not enjoyed myself so much since. . .well, since Haldir went streaking through Lorien that one morning. . ."  
  
Elrond tried to retain some dignity, his face turning a color beyond purple which, if you are very very lucky, you will never ever see. The five children still frozen in their fighting positions tried hard not to giggle. Elladan might not have managed, but Eowyn had her knee painfully in his elbow. Finally Elrond said, "Legolas, Eowyn, let them up." Legolas and Eowyn obeyed. Legolas and Estel's tussle had really ended in a draw, Legolas having Estel in a headlock but Estel having sunk his teeth into Legolas's flesh, Joe smacking repeatedly into Legolas's head. With Eowyn it was no question: she won. "I expect all of you to be cleaned up and in your beds, sleeping, in half an hour."  
  
"Aw, but Ada," Elrohir began.  
  
"It's not yet half past six! We are not children anymore!" Elladan protested.  
  
"And I'm not even your kid!" Eowyn pointed out.  
  
In response to this Elrond raised his eyebrows in that creepy way like at the Council of Elrond when Merry and Pippin showed up and if you don't believe me then go watch the DVD or video it is do funny. Um, anyway. . .Eowyn huffed, but stalked out. The twins backed away slowly. "Arwen, Lady Galadriel, I am so sorry that that occurred. . ."  
  
"Lord Elrond, why must you apologize? Boys will be boys. Sometimes some young ladies even ought to be boys," she added with a sly smile at Arwen. Arwen's face lit up.  
  
"Oh, thank you, grandmother!" Arwen exclaimed, throwing her arms around Galadriel and ducking out of the rooms after her brothers. Elrond thought he might explode, this time even he thought it.  
  
******  
  
"Listen, Joe," Estel whispered into the darkness. "I have a plan for getting equal with my brothers. . ."  
  
"Oh, do you?" a voice in the darkness whispered back. Estel gave a cry of fear and jumped to his feet, still on his bed. Laughter met this. "Come on, dork, you don't want to miss out on this." Now Estel knew it was Legolas, and he relaxed. No sooner had he given up his fighting stance then he was lifted off the bed.  
  
"Elladan! Let me go, I'm fifteen years old, far too old for this! I can walk on my own! I'm not two years old anymore!" Estel protested. Elladan apologized, told him to shush, and they were going to get revenge on Eowyn. "And just how are you going to do that?" Estel whispered. "Ada won't--"  
  
"We won't tell him, and unless you decide to be a squealer. . ." Elladan let the threat hang.  
  
"I ain't a squealer!" Estel swore, then he swore in the other sense and spit. The boys had been using this "secret" "handshake" for years, as well as the bad grammar.  
  
"Come on, we don't have much time for this," Legolas whispered.  
  
"How will you keep Ada from knowing?" Estel asked. "Nothin' says Eowyn ain't gonna tell."  
  
"If she's got any dignity she ain't gonna tell," Elrohir whispered. The four tiptoed down the hall, past Elrond's room (Estel though he was awake, forgetting that Elves sleep with there eyes open). Finally they sneaked into Eowyn's room, and in the quiet darkness Elrohir began to explain their plan. . .but he did not manage to finish explaining. He was knocked out by Eowyn, who managed to take down Elladan and Legolas as well before hearing someone in the hall outside. She turned to Estel, frightened.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"How can I get out of this one?" she asked, wide-eyed.  
  
"Um. . ." Estel had no idea! "Elladan might no, if you hadn't whacked him one 'round the head he could help!"  
  
"Estel, I'm serious. If I go down for this, you go down with me," Eowyn threatened. Estel believed her. His mind raced.  
  
"Hide the bodies," he whispered. "Hopefully they won't come to and realize. . ." as if in answer, the three began to groan and sit up. Estel said a four letter word rather loudly. "Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas, we gotta hide. Someone's in the corridor and if we get caught in here. . ." the rain covered up their voices, but what of their presence?  
  
"Quick! Under the bed, into the closet," Elladan took charge of the situation, being the master of hiding spots that he was. Legolas ducked into the closet and Elrohir beneath the bed. There was not enough room for two in either space, so as not to risk getting caught. . .  
  
"Out the window," Eowyn said, throwing open the window. Elladan was more than willing, and jumped out. He would risk a giant muddle puddle to the wrath of his father. Estel was not as decisive. "Get out!" Eowyn hissed.  
  
"No way!" Estel replied.  
  
"It's not a choice, stupid!"  
  
"I'm not going to--"  
  
They were interrupted by a knock at the door. "Eowyn?"  
  
Her eyes flashed with angry. "Yes, sir?"  
  
"Are you all right?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Uh, yes, sir," she called out.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
"Sure!" she said. With a glance at Estel then at the floor she bent down and straightened as quick as a flash. Just as the door opened Eowyn thrust something into Estel's hands.  
  
"Estel? What are you doing in here?" Elrond asked.  
  
"It was my fault," Eowyn jumped into the conversation. "I was frightened of the mouse and asked Estel if he wouldn't please come and get rid of it for me. Wasn't that nice of him to?"  
  
"Yes, yes it was. . ." Elrond said skeptically. "Well, all right then. Estel, Eowyn, go to bed. Good night." He left. Eowyn relaxed, half-laughing and half-sobbing. Legolas climbed out from under the bed, Elrohir from the closet. Elladan had already returned to his room, and was cleaning the mud off of himself. The others retired, but as Legolas and Elrohir disappeared around the corner Estel hung back.  
  
"Why did you do that? Lie for me, I mean," Estel asked, gently rubbing the mouse in his hands.  
  
"I don't know. I guess that's just what friends do, isn't it? I like you Estel. I want to be your friend, if you would let me."  
  
*****  
  
"You said what?" Elladan exploded.  
  
"I said Eowyn could hang out with us," Estel repeated. It was early morning, and the three brothers were wrestling for mirror space to comb their hair and brush their teeth. (actually, it was sink space for the teeth. Spitting and all, you know)  
  
"Estel. . ."  
  
"She got me out of trouble, and you all would have let me get the blame for it! Eowyn is as good as one of us now," Estel said stubbornly.  
  
"All right," Elrohir said, spitting into the sink, finally having shoved Elladan out of the way.  
  
Elladan, not about to hold toothpaste stuff in his mouth, spit out the window, then said, "What?"  
  
"All right. Eowyn helped out our brother, and that makes her one of us. It's one of those bonds words don't cover, stupid," Elrohir explained to Elladan. "Now come on. Let's go decide what to make for supper."  
  
"That is the worst punishment ever," Estel grumbled. "Having to cook supper."  
  
"Yeah, but we had better decide what to make so we'll know what time to come in from being out in the rain."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, sorry that that was not at all funny. I have no idea why I wrote it. I was bored. Sorry. More coming, I promise, sorry for the delay. 


	5. Pick a Card, Any Card

Disclaimer: I own Joe. And Fred. Nothing else.  
  
Kat Heiman: Hmm. . .perhaps another color for another chapter. Purple is a one-time thing, don't you think?  
  
Lou: Yes, Arwen will get in on the action. . .in time. . .  
  
Kelsiface: Mwu ha ha! The boys at school think I'm sick whenever I bring that up as "one of those non-gender-specific" things.  
  
ArwenUndomiel: Arwen is going to be in it more, especially in a certain upcoming chapter. . .mwu ha ha!  
  
Dark Phoenix: Thanks!  
  
Zelda123: Thanks. Hehe, I'm funny. . .  
  
Ola: Because of the food fight. Yes she is. Plenty more in-door comedy coming!  
  
Chelsea Taylor: Well, he wasn't too happy about it either. Stupid non- existent Estel-creature bit me. Little dork. Lol.  
  
*****  
  
Legolas shrieked. "What is it?" Elrohir asked. The boys (and Eowyn) were attempting to cook a meal and doing a very poor job of it. Legolas had just glanced over to see how Eowyn was doing, as he was the only decent cook of the lot, and had seen a rather small HEAD poke out of her sleeve.  
  
"Oh, calm down!" Eowyn protested, trying to salvage something of her rather burnt salad. How she managed to burn a salad I know not, but she did. "It is only Fred, the mouse." At which point she dropped her spatula and pot- with-burnt-lettuce-stuck-to-it to the ground, and as soon as the resulting CLANG was over with, she said, "Sandwiches for supper."  
  
"Hear, hear!" cried Estel, attempting to slice his "loaf of bread", which was more like a lump of charcoal. He had tried everything--knives, teeth, nails (both meanings), shoes, jumping up and down on the lump, even hitting it with Joe! None of this worked. At which point he rose, walked over to Eowyn, and said, "But what shall we do about bread?" As if in evidence and apology he held up his blackened loaf, which Eowyn promptly chucked out the window. There was gratuitous applause.  
  
"Legolas, bread," Eowyn ordered.  
  
"There isn't exactly time--" Legolas protested.  
  
"I did not ask for time, I asked for bread," Eowyn replied haughtily. Legolas was completely baffled by her logic, so decided to just go along with her and find some bread somewhere, because he certainly could not bake any himself in only half of an hour! As he went off to that, Eowyn said, "What are the rest of you looking at? Get to it! Those sandwiches won't make themselves!"  
  
There were mutters of "right, right" and everyone tried to appear busy. The sandwiches actually came out quite well. As Galadriel said, "Most appetizing, though I know not how it took an entire day to make them. Oh, calm down, Elrond, you've probably already got high blood pressure."  
  
The next day was free for playing outside in the rain! The sun had barely risen when six eager young folks rushed to the door--which they found to be locked! "This is an outrage! An injustice!"  
  
"Yes, well, Estel's been ill, you twins are still on probational status, and Eowyn, being mortal, might also become ill," Elrond said. Many eyes were narrowed at him.  
  
"I'm not your kid!" Eowyn protested.  
  
"That was two weeks ago!" Estel observed.  
  
"What did we do?" Elladan asked.  
  
"Bound and gagged Estel," Elrohir replied.  
  
"That was only in good fun!"  
  
"Why can't I go outside?" Legolas asked.  
  
Needless to say, no one actually did go outside. After a time Elrond decided no noise and shouted a bit, then--as was his usual resolution--told everyone to go to bed. And, needless to say, no one stayed there. Within ten minutes, the band had gathered in the twins' room.  
  
"You want to see a mageek treeck?" Elladan asked in a heavy accent, dealing out a deck of cards. "Well I show you mageek trick! Peeck a card, beetch," he instructed Estel, who shuffled forward uncertainly. "I say pick a card bitch! Pick a card!" Elladan was being his usual frightening self. Estel chose a card. "Now geeve it back. Geeve it back! You see, theese was your card. You see? Mageek!"  
  
There was quite a bit of laughter. After a few rounds of Speed (which I will explain next chapter if anyone doesn't know how to play), Estel found his hands both throbbing. "Magic trick?" he suggested.  
  
"Yes! I show you many magic treeck!"  
  
There was a knock at the door, and everyone froze. Arwen answered it, hiding behind the door lest she be seen by Elrond. It was Galadriel. "Hello," Galadriel said. "What are you all doing?"  
  
"Smoking and stealing, ma'am," Eowyn whispered in a high-pitched voice. She had not meant for Galadriel to hear that, but Elven hearing is disturbingly acute. "A-hem," Eowyn cleared her throat as Galadriel stared. "Magic tricks, ma'am. Would you like to try one?"  
  
"Why not?" Galadriel replied with a smirk.  
  
"Well, then, pick a card. . .madam," Elladan instructed.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Author's Note: Elladan in this chapter is based on a boy at my school. For those of you who are in my classes, guess who! 


End file.
